


No More! Please Just Ship Them off Somewhere

by My_Black_Crimson_Rose6



Series: Filled Prompts [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Boy Love, Embarrassment, Everyone goes to Reiner for advice, Flower Crowns, His hair should be bigger, Kisses, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Periods, Premature Ejaculation, Reiner knows too much, everyone cock blocks Bertholdt, its full of secrets, its like a game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-21
Updated: 2013-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-24 04:39:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/935476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Black_Crimson_Rose6/pseuds/My_Black_Crimson_Rose6
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was just trying to be friendly- it wasn't his fault that they all looked up to him. And if he just so happens to know too much stuff that he really didn't want to know in the first place... well. Ehh... Yeah, he could have went without hearing about Mina's problems with her Aunt Flow, and Connie's lack of stamina. </p><p>At least Bertholdt can get a great chuckle out of it, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	No More! Please Just Ship Them off Somewhere

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt can be found here: http://snkkink.dreamwidth.org/2124.html?thread=2090316
> 
> I go by the name of ShadowSheyla on Tumblr if anyone wishes to just pop in and say hello. I post stories there as well.

1.

It began with Krista.

The petite blonde had found him, alone, while he was making his way to the male dorm—cabin, it was a cabin. They all just silently agreed to call it a dorm because it sounded a hell of a lot cooler than cabin. Like which would you rather say: **I’m going back to the cabin** or **I’m going back to the dorm**?

“I need your help,” the small girl piped up at him. Her large blue eyes giving him _that look_ , or better known as **The Look**. The one with the huge eyes and the pouting lips—yeah, that one. He was doomed even before **The Look** , it was Krista after all. You don’t just turn Krista the Goddess away.

 _“Don’t do it,”_ a voice that sounded suspiciously like Annie’s supplied in the back of his mind. _“The flock will come, and attachments will form—don’t do it.”_

He ignored it—after all it was just one person. What harm could it do? “What can I help you with,” he raised a brow and placed a hand on his hip. Should he cross his arms for this? But if he did that, then it’d seem like he didn’t care. Body posture was stupid. Even worse when it was added to conversations.

“It’s Ymir’s birthday next week and I want to make it special.” Reiner’s eye twitched at the brunette’s name. “I don’t know what to get her though—please help!” the blonde pleaded, her eyes starting to water.

Uh, the tears. Reiner winced; if he couldn’t help her then he’d forever go down as the man that made Krista cry. And who was horrible enough to do that? “Make her one of those crowns that you love making. She jealous that you’ve made them for others—” he shrugged at the end, not exactly knowing how to end it.

2.

Next were Hannah and Franz.

“You know a lot about sex,” Hannah flushed covering one of her eyes with her hand. Reiner frowned, that wasn’t a question and why would they assume—no, no, never mind. Dorms, too many people all stuffed on top and beside each other. Of course they would hear the muffled moans.

Note to self: he needed to gag him next time.

Reiner crossed his arms over his chest, “depends. What do you want to know?” he inquired glancing between the flushing faces of both Hannah and Franz with a raised brow.

“How does sex change a relationship—is it for the better or worse?” Franz whispered throwing a glance over his shoulder. Where the hell was Bertholdt when he needed him?

“How do you know if you’re ready to go the next step? Like,” her eyes dropped to her feet as she toed the ground. “We’ve done _other stuff_. Like fingering—” Reiner’s eyes widened as he coughed, he wasn’t expecting her to go into detail the sexual activities that they’ve already engaged in “—oral…”

Reiner cleared his throat before the red head could go any further, “Okay, so you’re comfortable with each other to do all these… _things_ ,” he’d just leave it like that, not wishing to actually find out what the young couple find themselves up to in their alone time. “The only thing that I can say is if you feel ready—that you want to, _err,_ make love then go for it. As to if sex changes a relationship… yeah, it does. But it depends on you guys wither it’s for better or for worse. And sometimes it doesn’t change a thing. I can’t tell you if I will, won’t or whatever.”

3.

The third _memorable_ time that someone had approached him for guidance was Krista—again. And Mina, who held an arm around her stomach and hunched her shoulders.  And yes, he categorized them under “memorable” and “no biggie”.

She stopped in front of both Bertholdt and he, at the same time as last time. Same place. Same everything. Other than the fact that Reiner was accompanied by someone this time, of course. But so was she.

The petite girls stared up at him with curious eyes, gauging him as if to deem him _worthy_. Krista wrapped an arm around Mina’s back and pushed her forward towards the duo. “Mina’s cramps have been getting worse,” Krista stated bluntly patting the black haired girl gently on the shoulder.

Bertholdt cringed, and Reiner could hear the taller male grind his teeth at the confession. Berthold shook his head, “I’m going to the dorm,” he excused himself with a wave over his shoulder. Reiner’s hand grabbed at air as his partner in crime fled the scene. _That little shit,_ Reiner sighed. Bertholdt was going to get what’s coming to him for this, that bastard.

“Have you went to,” Reiner clenched his jaw, “have you talked about this with, I donno, another girl?” Why in seven hells would these two think that Reiner would know a thing about period cramps and other _girly things_. He knew quiet a lot about these things, just to be clear, but that doesn’t mean that **they** knew that though. Unless Annie or Bertholdt decided to do a whole show and tell kind of thing.

But Annie could hardly keep from snarling at Mina when the timid, sweet—a little weird, girl would sit anywhere near her. Ymir was the only one that actually invoked the snarl though—which Reiner applauded Annie for doing. Ymir just rubbed him the wrong way.

Flustered, Mina ducked, “n-none of the other girls know what to do a-and the ones that do won’t say,” she whispered. _Goddamn it Annie_ , Reiner thought, _her stubbornness shines through again._

Reiner pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily. “The only thing I can think of is heat, rest and taking pain medication. Have you tried these?” Reiner questioned—if this didn’t work then he’ll have to use the triumph card. Annie won’t be thrilled.

Krista watched on from behind Mina with a critical eye. Like she was storing away everything away for later.

Mina nodded, “it doesn’t help. Still… it s-still feels like my insides are being torn apart by tiny little nails—” Reiner’s brain shut off at the imagery, and his body shuttered.

This was why he was in a relationship with Bertholdt.

He doesn’t have to deal—or hear about this shit with him. Unless one of their dicks suddenly decided to invert itself into a vagina. But Reiner was 99.99% sure that that wasn’t going to happen—and didn’t already happen. Unless this procedure happened within the last… thirty minutes, Reiner was sure that his boyfriend was still just that. A **_boy_** friend.

“Then heat and pressure,” Reiner interrupted as soon as his brain rebooted. _Thank you naked Bertholdt memories!_ “When Annie’s cramps get real bad she has Bertl or I just hold her around her waist until the worst of it passes and she just goes back to her heat pack.” Annie was going to maim him for spilling her secrete—but look at that face.

Mina and Krista stared up at him in awe—this must be the feeling that Krista gets when people call her a goddess, because that look Mina was giving him was the same that people gave Krista. He would be lying if he said that his heart didn’t swell at the thought.

4.

One night while the boys were being rowdy, Connie squeezed between Reiner and Bertholdt on the top bunk hidden away in the far corner. Bertholdt’s fingers leaving Reiner’s as the small male plopped between the couple. The tan teen grumbled _un-pleasantries_ (he hated calling them insults—but they were)under his breath and drew his knees up to his chest with a huff.

The smallest of the three tucked his hands under his armpits and puffed out his cheeks. “Hey Reiner,” he articulated, the blondes name coming out like Rei-n-er, Connie glanced up shyly at his role model—slash idol. Behind him, Bertholdt couldn’t help but glare venomously at his large, round head. This was his time with Reiner—they scheduled this, goddamn it!

Reiner raised his brow at Bertholdt before addressing the smaller boy, “Connie.”

“So Franz said that you give awesome advice, and well,” his cheeks flushed and his attention dropped to his twiddling thumbs.

Bertholdt sighed dramatically, _here it goes. Another night that was meant for the two of them ruined by someone wanting advice,_ Bertholdt flopped back on the bed his feet laying across his two companions. If this was going to take a while, then he might as well get comfy.

“How do you—how do you stop from coming to soon?” Connie inquired.

Nope.

No.

Nein.

Bertholdt was not going to be sticking around for this conversation. A hand gripped his thigh painfully before he could begin his roll to freedom—a wide eyed stare from Reiner, just screamed **help me**. And Bertholdt really didn’t want to pity him, but he did. He really did. Having to listen to horror stories about cramps, and inquires of “what hole do I put it in?” Even made Bertholdt shutter. And the blonde had to hear about it firsthand.

Bertholdt tested the hold that the blonde had on his leg—and yup, he wasn’t going anywhere.

Shit.

Bertholdt sighed, throwing an arm over his eyes and tried to ready his brain to drown out every turn that this upcoming conversation was going to make. He did not want to scar himself any more than he has to.

“Uh,” Reiner’s brain stalled, “what?”

Connie ducked his head, his tanned cheeks flustering, “when I masturbate… I kinda—well you know. Come before I can get a good sweat going.” Connie cringed and his own train of thoughts, why did he have to ask this with Bertholdt laying right there?

And was he laughing?!

Bertholdt’s lips trembled and his shoulders shook—he was. He was really trying to hold to down though, but oh god. This conversation was just so embarrassingly painful, even for him! “What, you can’t even think up a girl’s—” Bertholdt cut himself off with a snicker.

Oh his side—his eyes, oh goodness was he crying? His wrist rubbed against his eye, and why yes. Yes he was.

Reiner grimaced, he felt sorry for the younger male. The first few times where always the quickest. “Well you can always jerk off more—build up stamina,” Reiner paused, “or not diving right into the main event? Just stick with foreplay and when you can handle more—then go for it.”

Bertholdt’s snickering turned into quiet chuckles.

“I’ve tried—”

Bertholdt sat up and gripped the boy’s collar, “the way to last is to go slow. Think of it like this; it’s called a quickie for a reason.”

5.

His hands gripped the cloth tight, using it to keep the taller male against him. Even with his grip on the cloth and neck stretched his partner had to bend his knees. “You’re too fucking tall,” the blonde murmured against the other’s lips.

Bertholdt’s lips stretched upwards, his teeth nipping at the other’s lip as he moved away for a breath, “should I find you a stool?” he teased. His eyes widening as Reiner kneaded his dick through his pants. “Shit,” the tanned male groaned tipping his head back.

Teeth nipping gently at his Adam’s apple. A woman cleared her throat at the door way. The tanned male groaned again, this time laced with annoyance. “I need to—” Sasha’s voiced, each word sounding higher pitched at the end of each word. She was questioning herself—deciding if now was the proper time to ask whatever it was that she was going to ask.

Reiner began to pull away, “no.” Bertholdt’s eyes narrowed, wrapping an arm around the blonde’s neck and a leg around his waist. “No,” he said again directing it at Sasha.

“But I need to—”

Bertholdt glared, “I haven’t had sex in two weeks. You can wait for a day.” Sasha threw her arms up in surrender and something along the lines of ‘okay’ coming from her mouth. _Good_ , Bertholdt thought before pressing his nose against Reiner’s temple with a sigh.

“It’s like having kids,” Reiner mumbled into his throat.

“Offspring of ours would never be this annoying,” he grumbled kissing at the blonde’s hair line.


End file.
